3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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