She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
