Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
