the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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