Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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