Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
