well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
