she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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