Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
