THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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