I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
