How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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