She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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