Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
