Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
