dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
