So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
