Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
