4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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