They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
