you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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