Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
