Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
