Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize