Bisexual people are plain selfish.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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