Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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