when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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