All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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