but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My breath smells like gin and sadness
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
