Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am one with the molecules
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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