I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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