Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
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