So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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