Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
