I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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