OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You took a bar mat shot.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
