Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
