I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize