I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
