Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
