You're so nebulous sometimes
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
