I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
