don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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