So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
