You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize