Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
