I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
