probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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