No, drunk sperm still make babies.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
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YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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