I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
