I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
