My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize