We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize