During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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