I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
