3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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