thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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