Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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