Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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