Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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