i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He shit in the fireplace
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
