i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
