Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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