"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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