Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
