oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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