I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Drake has all the answers
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
