Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
