This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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