I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
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I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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