I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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