Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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