the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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