what day is it and did you see me today?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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